December 2012: I've asked for strength and confidence not because I find myself weak but because I know I have something more in me that I have to unveil.
On the contrary to what I expected, I find myself weak.
I got scared, insecure, unhappy and you can add all the negative feelings you know in those pool of words.
I was surprised to feel those things because I thought I'm done with it.
By then, I have accepted the fact that I am weak and I need more strength to go on with my life.
But, this time I can say, that this is the best "me" that I had ever been.
I'm tougher, more anchored and more determined. I became "more" in all positive aspect of my life.
I have stepped out from my comfort zone (somehow) and can now express myself better. I can confidently say that I am more comfortable dancing in the rain.
I'm glad because I've done something I've never done before that made me better. (I'm actually still hoping to do more!)
I'm my own best friend now.
I don't need approval from anyone anymore and I have wider perspective about life. I became more open-minded and understanding with my environment without sacrificing what I want for myself.
I love who I am becoming because no one is dictating my life. Everything now is my call, and soon, I want to say this to myself:
"I am the combination of who I was and who I wanted to become."
Now, I worry less,
I get stress less,
and I love more genuinely and sincerely.
Somehow, it still scares me because I know that fulfillment of one thing can mean a start of another, which may or may not be painful "again", with a hope that it will be the latter which I'm certainly sure that it can't be.
I have realized how a lucky bitch I am, because of my family and friend's love. I have always been loved that's why when I get to face some rejections and some life challenges before, I easily give up and I had a hard time moving on. Now, though, I'm not an expert about it, I can say, I have grown up in a way I wasn't expecting to.
I have accepted my weirdness and one by one, loving all the things unlovable about me.
I also have realized that when you "LOVE" someone, you must not only accept their strengths but must also accept their weaknesses no matter how unpleasant they are, and if you can't accept it, then, I think, your love for that person is not enough.
Thus, this quote is starting to make sense much more. "To Love is for the brave heart."
Loving oneself needs some leg work in order to succeed.
He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.
~ Lao Tzu
iamtwixietops ツ
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